Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in corthefloor's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
3:06 pm	i would do anything for love, anything you've been dremin of, but i just won't do that everytime i don't write something for awhile i will come back and use words like "hiatus" and "drought" and "exodus", and i know that has got to be getting old, so i will not use the wordy flambouyant intro and just say that the second camera ever made should get a lot more publicity than it does. the first camera gets all the pub., while the second camera gets the job done that the first camera should be doing. i have never seen a picture of the first camera, but i am just assuming this is what it would be like. unless they took a picture in the mirror of it. every race has it's flaw, and comedians like to pull out that flaw, and elaborate, more often than not it is about their own race, which they feel is fine because no other race is going to beat that person up because they don't share the trait the guy made fun of, and the people of his own race won't say anything, because they know it is true. i'm not racist or anything, want to clear that up to prevent the thing i was talking about earlier, but it's like a "making-fun-of" food chain. blacks and mexicans are at the top, which means they can make fun of whoever they want, including themselves, i can understand how the blacks got there, the whole easier to produce muscles and slavery thing, but then i don't get how mexicans got there, tend to not be the most intimidating race, but they make fun of black people, white people, themselves, and anybody else, and nobody seems to really care. everybody is just like, "aw, they had to work hard to get here, let them do what they want". i'm not racist towards mexicans either. then below you have the whites and asians who are always tentative about thier jokes, but won't stop to go all out at themselves or arabians. and they all think that they can do the best arabian voice impression ever. just pronounce your "r's" "d's", and make every vowel long. that you have jewish people who should really just be their own food chain. like plants, they make their own food. you will never hear them branch out and make fun of other people, because they never stop coming up with things about themselves. things nobody else notices, but they bring it up, and it spurns a whole series of jewish jokes. then at the bottom there are the poor arabians. can't say much about them except the reason there are so few of them is because they can't talk about anything or some white people will say it was there fault for 9/11. so they tend to just stay away from the whole having fun thing. and then the fat people. everyone thinks the fat people are so funny because they talk loud and talk about how much they eat. and they always relate sex to food, and everybody thinks it is so funny because they are like "hey, that person is fat, he is talking about how he got fat, i am interested to hear how this works" they always seem to know how to make funny voices and stuff too, just gives the people a real good time. i kind of get the feeling that mapmakers in the US kind of just gave up as they started to move west. in the east they had all these symbolic boundaries and tiny, puzzle fitting states, then somewhere around the mississippi rivers they decide that straight lines will do. they threw in the occasional squiggily line like in nebraska or something, but for the most part, straight edges, and sharp corners where sufficient. i can also tell that the worked from the southeast, to the northwest. because they really got themselves into trouble in idaho. it started off average enough with the straight bottom and left edge then they just choke when they get to the top, montana had already staked thier claim, which broke the rules made on the west side of the country which were boundaries never follow rivers. idaho's end result is the foam finger at basketball games. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
9:20 pm	this girl his half his age believe it or not i just got digital cable so i have been opened up to a whole new world of television programming. i mean, i have never been privelaged to go past channel 77 in the previous. but now i can watch all sorts of channels. one of my favorites is 184, Nickelodeon GAS, who's headliner is, and will always be the different asssortment of GUTS nickelodeon ran in the early to mid-90's. everykid's dream was to be the so called world champion by uncle jimmy from yes, dear. world champion of what, the most ridiculus loosly tied sporting events in the world. it is ridiculus. everything with them has to have a harness and 8 advisors, who have incredily long hair and GUTS tanktops on, per 5 feet. well one event was called "super dodgeball", dodgeball wasn't good enough, they had to add some unneccessary things to GUTSify it. like put each person on a platform in a harness, of course, and they all jumped to the middle and caught 96 dodgeballs falling at one time in the middle where the other two contestants where also jumping. the object was to catch the ball and throw it at one of the other two contestants that where half a yard away from you. so the score was liek 43 to 38 to 35 in a minute time frame. the contest should have been throw the ball and see if you don't hit somebody, that would have been a challenge. i just don't see why they couldn't do regular dodgeball, but there are no harnesses in regular dodgeball. my favorite though was probably the "invisible boat" one. it's one of the three every show that involve water and 16 lifeguards to a 4 foot deep pool. well the contestant is strapped into a harness and given goggles and a paddle. you may be asking yourself "where is the boat?", and the answer is, it is invisible. that is right, you jsut paddle yourself in a harness across a pool and back. with goggles of course in case water gets in your eyes even though you are above water. then if you like miss a stroke with the paddle and lose your balance, there are 3/4ths of the lifeguards on you in a second, even though you are strapped into a harness. the object of the game is to figure what you are doing on the show in under a minute. and then the girl with the fake british accent, mo, comes on and tells everybody what they already know. and she wears a mesh referee jersey for good measure, just in case you didn't realize this show was bogus, this solidifies it. then the final challenge is the mega agro crag. when uncle jimmy is explaining it to you he tells you, "first it was the crag, then it became the agro crag, then the super agro crag, now it is the mega crag, that will rip these contestants to shreds with ice, boulders, and swirling winds". then they show the contestants who are wrapped in like a pad for everybone possible, the biggest mouthguard in the world, a helmet with a facemask, the whole 9 yards. and then they go and do it in like 15 seconds. the only obsticals come from the supervisors getting in the way every 8 steps. then they tell the kid with the glasses who got 3rd place out of 3 people that he is the 3rd best in the world. (they never tell him at what, but he is 3rd best). then there is channel 135 that plays only 'hit' and i use that term loosely, mtv videos. i was watching one by ashlee simpson that made my head hurt. it was called LaLa and was insane. i felt like i had just been through a middle-aged flogging. the entire video she is just in a parkinglot dancing infront of a shakycamera. you would think an 'artist' of ashlee simpson's quality would be able to afford a camera man that can hold a camera steady, but she obviously can't. then real quickly, almost subliminally, it shows, i guess, the boy she likes riding by on a bicycle, and she throws a cup at him and he falls and she and her friends run away laughing, and it cuts back to her dancing maniaclly. i just sat there stunned asking "did that just happen". i thought "there is noway that seriously just happened". then they show the guy later making out with her. it is, to say this word yet again, ridiculus. theres noway a guy would not stab a gril that threw a cup at him while he was riding his bike. luke threw a basketball at me when i was riding my bike once and i wanted to stomp on his head. theres noway i would be in that person's presence, let alone make out with them, if they made me fall off my bike. he had some decent speed going too, he was probably about to go off a jump or something for her, then ashlee htought "hey, this drink doesn't taste very good, how about i throw this at the guy i like, that will make him horny". and being the impulsive funloving girl she is, she did it, and she and her friends all had a good laugh about it, knowing they would make out later. then she went back to dancing in front of a shaky camera. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
2:59 pm	we got no food, no money, our pet's heads are falling off the return from my hiatus has been completed. someone let mo on the computer again and she downloaded way to much music so it kind of screwed up our computer, but she fixed, she always does. she was also caught looking for trucks on the internet too. but she couldn't seem to find one that didn't have a height rearrangement. why is everyone so unsatisfied with the height of trucks now. they either have to be lifted or lowered, i don't know the cool termanolog for the lowereing process, and it seems like you will never see a male between the ages of 16-21 with a normal truck height. maybe one or two, but there claim to fame is "aw dude, i'm gettin a 4-inch lift this weekend, then i'm going to go out to kemp road dude, it's going to be sweet!" and they go ride around on some hills for awhile, just long enough to get dirt on the side of their car, then they refuse to wash it. sort of like a battle scar. "i drove through mud biatch, get off of me, now let me go, my truck needs to hit another growth spurt". it seems like we have a bunch of people getting licenses, and although about 70% of the country has thier license, they feel like they need to let poeple know that they are in actuality, one of the seven out of ten people that have a license. there's tons of different methods for this of course, there's the ever popular key twirl going up to the parking lot, just giving off the "i'm not going up here to play tiddlywinks" vibe, but more along the lines of "yea, i'm going up here to MY car, where i parked, at school, because i have a license, and just in case you didn't see my keychain with a bunch of obligatory trinkets on it, how about i clang them aroudn just to make sure" vibe. or there is the common rock climbing gadget clipped to your belt. it is a little to risky to keep your keys in your pocket, so your thinking "how about i use this sweet spring loaded device and attach it to my belt, where coincidentally, everybody i walk by can see that i have keys, and therefor a license." probably whoever invented that thing for actual rock climbing is fuming right now. he didn't even see it coming. he just figured, "money, with this thing the rock climbing death rate will decrease dramatically", well sorry to say it, but i'd rather have the deaths than the craze we have right now. i bet you there are some rock climbers that wish the same thing, they would probably be willing to be the ones that died. i will probably get exiled for saying this because me and the guy that drives the van to school are the only ones that don't have one, but nonetheless, i refuse to use the rock climbing industry as my personal automotive accessory pawn. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
3:26 pm	It was hard to find a brotha that was down for me/So I'm tellin everybody let him be Cause he's mine and I can't take no bitches tryna take my baby So I thought I had to let you know Find someone that you can call your own Cause now you're walkin in the danger zone And if I touch you I'll be wrong [Nivea] If you mess with my man, I'ma be the one to break it to ya Got my girls, got my man, so find your own and leave mine alone Don't mess with my man, I'ma be the one to break it to ya Here's a little advice for you, find your own man [Jagged Edge] It was hard to find a girl that's really down for me Seems like a lot of niggas tryin me Cause they tryna take my baby, oh what the hell naw So now you really better check yourself Messin with my girl is bad for your health and So you know you will be dealt with Better find your own girl --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- today put all the autumn crops on high alert, first frost. dangerous. if i could be a crop, hands down it would be autumn crop, always living on the edge with the eternal question, "when's the first frost" hoping to get in on time. it takes cooperation too, because it is the farmer's decision when to pull the plug. it is very similar to the relationship between a starting pitcher and a manager, when can he stop getting the most out of his pitcher before it is to late and the pitcher gives up the home run(frost) and is ruined. got to take that into consideration. this is going to be a long winter. because in my oh-so-elegant wardrobe i have two types of pants, regular khakis, and navy khakis. and without thinking, i bought a blueish jacket. this posed no problem to me until i realized that half of my pants are navy, so from now til the end of winter i have a choice every other day, suffer from possible hypothermia, or commit fashion suiced. I think i will take my chances with the hypothermia. alright i know i have been keeping them rolling with the short ones, but i really am not very good at these when i am not on my ADD medicine. Current Mood: stressed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 10th, 2004
8:29 pm	im gonna make you love me i've got mouse problems. not mice problems, mouse problems, and to be honest it is enough to make one go bonkers. i got the one new mouse that is wireless, but since there is about 3 inches of solid cherry between the mouse and the receptor on the computer, it doesn't always work. then i have the one conventional one that doesnt click sometimes. now each disability has its pro's and cons. the wireless mouse is like a light switch, it's either on or it's off- or if it's like when you leave the room and flick the switch down and you kind of miss and it goes perfectly half-way down and the lights all look at each other and say "what are we suppose to do" then they all take a quick vote and either stay on or off", so for the most part it's on or off-. what i mean by that is that the mouse either works or doesnt. it won't die out on you in the middle of a usage. but the one that doesn't click you can force it to clikc by beating mo with it. it could also be the fact that it was made in Belgium. what the hell is made in belgium. i did about 4 double takes when i saw it on the bottom of the mouse, which i guess would be an optuple take. belguim might be the worst country in the world. its only claim to fame is waffles, and the country of blueberry outdoes them on that one. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 27th, 2004
6:28 pm	corykiss i have decided to take the liberty of answering a couple of jadakis' questions in his bumpin track "why". as a disclaimer for myself, there are no offenses being taken. "Jada" is everything that starts with a capital, i'm the '-'. i hope i don't die for doing this, i just thought that it needed to be said becaue of the huge number of flaws. It's dat real Yo, why is Jadakiss as hard as it gets -no comment Why is the industry designed to keep the artist in dept -because ‘the industry’ wants to make money and is smarter than you And why them dudes ain't ridin' if there part of your set -because they are smart And why they never get it poppin' but they party to death -because it is easier to mooch of you Yea, and why they gon give you life for a murder -don’t disagree Turn around only give you eight months for a burner, it's goin down -I don’t know what a burner is Why they sellin' niggaz CD's for under a dime -because they want to make money If it's all love daddy why you come wit your nine -because ‘daddy’ obviously has some discrepencies with you Why my niggaz ain't get that cake -not sure what that means Why is a brother up North better than Jordan That ain't get that break -because nobody said that, they said he could be Why you ain't stackin' instead of tryin' to be fly -don’t know what that means Why is rattin' at an all time high -because people want to protect themselves and get paid Why are you even alive -whoa random insult Why they kill Tupac n' Chris -because they were black, just kidding, because they got in trouble with the wrong people Why at the bar you ain't take straight shots instead of poppin Crist' -probably because they think ‘Crist’ tastes better Why them bullets have to hit that door -don’t know what your talking about Why did Kobe have to hit that raw -because he was in the mood for some pinaynay Why he kiss that whore -see above Why would niggaz push pounds and powder -because they need a superficial high, or want money Why did bush knock down the towers -because he didn’t, terrorist did, bush isn’t out to get america killed, contrary to some peoples random beliefs Why you around them cowards -who? Vinny and luke? Why Aaliyah have to take that flight -no comment Why my nigga D ain't pull out his Ferrari -don’t know who ‘D’ is Why he take that bike -no more inside jokes Why they gotta open your package and read your mail -because ‘they’ need to know if you want to ‘knock down the towers’, and its only a select few that they do that to Why they stop lettin' niggaz get degreez in jail -one out of about 45, thats good. Why you gotta do eighty-five percent of your time -because jails are over crowded And why do niggaz lie in eighty-five percent of they rhymes -because they want to make money Why a nigga always want what he can't have -because he is greedy Why I can't come through in the pecan Jag -I’m not sure what your talking about Why did crack have to hit so hard Even though it's almost over -because it’s addictive Why niggaz can't get no jobs -because they aren’t looking for them Why they come up wit the witness protection -I’ll take a random guess at this but I’ll go with because ‘they’ want to protect witnesses Why they let the terminator win the election Come on, pay attention -because the most people voted for him, in an election, pretty much what a democracy is Why sell in the stores what you can sell in the streets -relevance? Why I say the hottest shit but we sellin' the least ]Uh, yea, yo -because obviously you aren’t saying the hottest shit as you think, “uh, yea yo” Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get a Oscar -because she finally got in a movie with decent writing, plus she is hot Why Denzel have to be crooked before he took it -what does crooked mean? Why they didn't make the CL6 wit a clutch -because not everyone likes a stick And if you don't smoke why the hell you reachin' for my dutch -take it up with that person, don’t make that a line just to show that you smoke Why rap, cause I need air time why they be on the burb with a why lie i need a beer sign -make sense Why all the young niggaz is dyin' Cause they moms at work, they pops is gone, they livin' wit iron -no comment Why they ain't give us a cure for aids -why can’t you get for one? It’s not that easy Why my diesel have fiends in the spot on the floor for days -no clue Why you screamin' like it's slug, it's only the hawk -no comprendo Why my buzz in L.A. ain't like it is in New York -because of different strokes for different folks Why you forcin' you to be hard -because of you acting like you are ‘hard’ Why ain't you a thug by choice -you are Why the whole world love my voice -I thought a couple of lines up you said noone does Why try to tell 'em that it's the flow son -because it isnt if you are ‘sellin’ the least’ And you know why they made the new twenties Cause I got all my old ones -clever (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
6:17 pm	just like the atlantic it is beyond me why coke doesn't come out with a decent alternative to mountain dew. you know coke:pepsi, dr. pibb:dr. pepper, sprite:sierra mist, excetera excetera. even though sprite used to own that category until pepsi came on strong with sierra mist, i'd say its about even now. i guess you could say coke has mello yello, but places that carry coke rarely carry mello yello. just take mountain dew, add or take out one gram of sugar per serving, and come up with a name that is related to yellow liquid. i think that might be what is holding them back. because with something like coca-cola, a brown liquid, the possibilities are endless, so coke and pepsi just played the random game with each other, and i'd have to say pepsi won. because if you guys, and when i say guys i mean my audience, haven't noticed if you take off the "a-cola" in coca-cola, you get coc, which sounds like coke. maybe i was the only one that thought of that. i guess coke could use something like--and this is a hard category, this yellow liquid, because it will always circulate back to piss-- "golden perspiration" or "cheetah's internal fluids", just anything but piss. i don't know if i've talked about this subjuect, i don't think i have, but i get really excited when i find something good to chew on. and my characteristics of a good- i don't want to say chew toy, what the hell i'm saying it- chew toy is somthing with some kind of rubber in it, and durable. for example, the glue that comes on letters from blockbuster, that holds the card or whatever to the item of mail, when you ball that up, oh boy, its like christmas. the rubber underneath the keys on your keyboard is also very nice. go ahead, you know that '5' key thats been lose, lift it up, take out the rubber thing, chew it, enjoy it. maybe the worst idea in the world is petsmart, their entire ad campaign is "let your dogs shop with you". what they forgot to add was "so they can walk aimlessly around while you take two dog products and put them to the dog so you act like the dog is making the decision, while the dog is thinking about when the neighbor dog is going in heat, he has to go one direction and he will probably gravitate towards wherever the dog biscuits are and, voila, he has chosen what he wants", but that probably wouldn't fit on the sign. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 11th, 2004
11:26 am	they've got the land but we've got the view when a set of golf clubs repeatedly tells you to update your journal, you do. its justoneof those things in life that you've got to do. kind of like going to church unless your out of town. you can try to avoid 930 mass and 1130mass, but you always know that 530 is just chillin behind teh corner, waiting to pounce, like a puma. or a cougar if you live in the eastern united states, or a mountain lion for the western. or generalizationly known as a cougar. maybe you should look it up. and then when you are getting up to go look for it in front of the entire class and right when youput your hand on the dictionary someone calls out "i think it's cougar", and everyone in the class hears that and youdon't know the person whocalled it out. so you either walk back and set the dictionary down where you got it. and if you take this fork in the road you just look ridiculus, or you could spit in thatperson's face, hypothetically of course, and walk back to your seat with the dictionary. now everyone knows you are trying to spite the person that called it out, after a tedious search you realize it is cougar and you don't say anything and later on in the class you make eye contact with the teacher and she chimes in "was it cougar?" and there is nothing left to do except open up your jacket and reveal the dirty bomb strapped to your chest with 18 seconds left on the timer.then right as the clock hits one, the unlikely hero defuses the bomb to much joy. then you are told who the unlikely hero is in the next few minutes,probably johnny depp or keanu reeves. which isnt very unlkely. was that the right usage of spite. thats oe of those tricky ones. kind of like gustar in spanish. (Comment on this)
Friday, September 3rd, 2004
3:58 pm	back up, back up, we gota problem words again from the madden soundtrack, can't get enough of it. you know how movies have like those awards for the worst movies of the year, the reason they don't do it for music is because madden takes it everyyear, they will have like 1 ok song by a well-known artist, then the rest just make you want to stick a dull pencil in your chest, right around the heart. theres no escaping the smell of grass. especially when you cut it, like even if you do it for 2 stripes in the yard, everything attached to you will reak of grass juice. that is the fbi's method of catching criminals. they just always have a grass-juice sensor going and as soon as the person mows the grass, bingo. ok maybe that has a few flaws, but for the most part its money. try to eat popcorn without getting any, on the floor. it is impossible. because i mean the kernals have already been through hell. first they are taken from the lovely cornfields as infidels, then they are packaged with a bunch of other kernals they don't even know in a bag. you can just feel the awkward tension when you grab the bag. everyone's small talking and then someone will say something funny and everyone will crack up, then as soon as the laughter stops, everyone is looking around thinking "why am i laughing with you, we arent on the 2nd tier of the relatioinship". then they sit in the pantry for like 7 months until the owner gets a fetish for popcorn, which can come at some mighty random times. then the microwave is like the epitomy of the suffering, 3:33 seconds of nuclear radiation. finally once they get out they think it is all over, then the eating comes. and while they are chilling in the pantry the make bets on who will make it out. and so the tiny ones who are never in the conversation, but on the side listening hear that and chime in, all the older kernals look at him and raise their eyebrows, and look away. so finally when you grab more than you're suppose to, and we all know you do it, they see it as their chance for freedom and they make it to the floor. but then they realize they have no method of transportation and just wait to get eaten up by the vacuum. then they chill in the vacuum bag for 8 years or how ever often you switch those things. and finally it starts to realize, "my life cycle would make a good online journal entry subject" (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 26th, 2004
7:42 pm	new picture that was who i just collaborated with in my last movie, you might have seen it, we're not sure of the name, but we are leaning towards "a night in paris", i actually think it went straight to dvd. you should check it out. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
7:03 pm	and the stars are projectors yea, projectors on down to this planet earth 3 days is about the shortest in my online journal existance. well my reasoning is this; ive got a voice and i want it to be heard, i believe that if a lot of the people would be able to make something of their life, not like go hang out at the nearby 7/11 and skateboard with tony hawk all day. and everyone WOULDNT have a mohawk, god people life isnt just about peaches and a barrell o' monkeys. you cant just wake up, brush your teeth, get pissed that you brushed your teeth because youve got to eat a bowl of cereal and now the milk will taste like mint, take a shower, go to school, do some graphs or whatever you do there, go to 2nd period, then lunch, if you have 1st, then 3rd period, raise your hand a couple of times, go to fourth period, meet out in the lobby for a while, go home, eat something, fiddle around for 3-5 hours, eat dinner, watch tv, get on the computer, eat some oreos, brush your teeth, take a shower maybe, then go to bed. its just not that easy. you just cant expect to work you way through life, maybe stop a minute to play a game of madden or check your email. my point is this; birds of a feather, flock together. take it to heart, take it to bed. well there is a rank raving the countryside that many people think is funny but to me just doesnt have it. its when people take a for sale sign out of someones yard and stick it in someone elses yard. because i mean if the person likes the house they arent just going to be like "ok ill leave 248,000 dollars in the mailbox and come bring my stuff in tommarow around 330 because my boss is going to hawaii for a week". they're going to call, and the following conversation would ensue; -hey i'd like to buy your house --our house isnt for sale -ok --is this molasses? i dont know, to me that isnt that funny of a conversation, actually it's kind of sad because 25 seconds of those people's time is wasted, maybe i just have a bad sense of humor, like i said i don't know. did the 6 of you know that stores/corporations like Walt Disney, Winn Dixie, Kroger, Lowe's, and Dell are all the names of peopole as well. all stores/corporations that are named after people are named after people with cool names. like Johnson & Johnson is pushing it. when the federation of all stores in the world(fasiw) heard that they were like "comeon Johnson, that's pushing it. why can't you just go with a name like 'Pout and About' or something" then the johnson duo from hell was like "we are the official smell of babies, change our name, change the world", they thought about this and finally decided that entering a bubble of half baby powder/oil/wipes, half oxygen when getting within 15 feet of baby was probably best as it is, besides, who else would sponser all the movies about babies who talk. backpacks are pretty much the same because when you first get a license most people get a really shitty car, and most k-4th graders have a really shitty bookbag. then as you near your early 20's to late 30's you want the coolest, most high tech car in the world, and the same goes for knapsacks in 5-8 grade. you get the ones with liquid nitrogen in the backpad and NASA material in the straps, and 73 pockets. then when you get over the hill you'll just take a plain old car, adn the same for highschool bookbags, people would rather have the really bad uncomfertable eastpak with 2 pockets and a strip of cloth in the padding. the people who still have the high-tech ones get made fun of in their circle of friends,"hey what's it like not having red marks on your shoulder,and being able to carry your books in your bookbag you little cock-measurer". then everybody thinks, "what the hell, let's go rearrange some 'for-sale' signs. Current Mood: by an angel (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 23rd, 2004
9:35 pm	da da da jump-off cuz she talks to much its that time of the year again, los olimpicos, for all of you who dont habla espanol, that means the olympics. the olympics are sweet though, so many people that just spend their life for an even ranging from 9 seconds to 2 hours 15 minutes. the latter is just flat out insane, the marathon; fun fact, it was actually invented in greece. but running 26 miles just because you want to, it doesnt add up. i was a bored man yesterday and i decided to watch it, i tried to enjoy it but i just couldnt help but think of all the things that you could do in 2 hours in 15 minutes of your life, i meant the obvious answers where watch a movie, be like the guy in the commercial about financial investing and put on a fitted sheet, run the idea that black suede wallabees are cool by meg, and what not. i kind of put having a fish hook stuck in your hand behind it but it wasnt very far. it took a commercial break to decide that one. but after thinking of the trillions of hundred billions of things that i could do, i came up with the best thing to do with 2 hours and 15 minutes of your time, and that was watch a marathon. if you ever are good-time hunting go to your nearest computer illiterate person and watch him/her on the computer for a good 15 minutes. i used to have the luxury of 2 in my house, mo and my mom, but mo took a night course at the local community college so now i can only enjoy watching my mom on it, it looks so simple for her, she thinks that the sole purpose of a computer is email, and to watch her type a paragraph is almost better than watching a marathon, and they take about the same amount of time. and when i say type i mean stare at the keyboard for a while and finally see the key she wants than hits it. it to see the joy on her face when she comes up to a word with a double letter is just almost like me seeing the double letter for myself. she just goes beserk, she gives it the no-look double pat, then spends 30 seconds looking for the letter right next to it. theres fun games you can play with these people, like before she's about to press a key you say "button" by the end of a big word like 'definition' she is ready to go back to writing letters. it gets even better when mo will resurge from her hourly nap and chime in with a 'button'. but i love my mom, especially when she cheats and makes my lunches the night before school instead of that morning. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
9:33 am	noise, noise, noise in the morning is there any better choice for breakfast than cereal, i mean let's be honest, you got pieces of assorted flavored hardened corn in milk, just flat out genious. i dont know if any body else out there has noticed but cap'n crunch cereal has been making a lot of mistakes as of late. you know what im talking about, Oops! All Berries and Oops! Choco Donuts. the cap'n crunch brand cereal has 4 cereals out and two of them are mishaps. i dont know what the cap'n is waiting for, when your factory supervisor not only lets a mistake occur, but them ships the mistake out to millions of grocery stores across the country, im baffled at how he still has a job. im surprised quaker hasnt pulled the plug on cap'n crunch, maybe they are still riding the cap'n's sex appeal wave, im not sure. i can understand the Oops! All Berries one, they had a stint where they made regular cap'n crunch with berrie flavored corn in it, and somehow or another the "regular cap'n crunch" switch must have got turned off and, voila, you have a cereal thats all berrie flavored corn. then it must have snekaed by management and got put in a box, then the box designer must have thought he just didnt get the memo and so he put All Berries on the box, but then at the last minute the company realized the travesty that had occured so in a last second chance to save face, they slapped "Oops!" in front of "All Berries".thats just what im guessing. but how do you have a mistake that makes a cereal all chocolate donuts, theres not even a cap'n crunch cereal with "choco donuts", i personally think that these arent really mistakes, that they are just doing this in case people don't like it they were like "yea that cereal did suck, i mean it was mistake so what can you expect". kind of like people who make jookes about them selves so that if the jokes not funny you feel sorry for them because they just made fun of theirself, i hate those kinds of people. my brother had to do some summer reading so he bought the book used and i was looking through it and the person highlighted for help which is fine because everyone could use help reading, marking key points and what not, but what really perplexes me is when people highlight everyword on the page. theres no reason for it, if you were going to do that you might as well have just left it all in the highlight the publisher does for you. and then they think that they are actually doing a good job of highlighting when they skip over like one word, and the word is a transition word. it will be like an entire paragraph highlighted then they skip over "although" then continue soaking the paper in flourescent yellow juice. i was looking at someones profile on my brother's screen name and the following proceeded, i will say that the screenname of the guy's profile i was reading was "Sk8er" and the person he was having a conversation with's screenname was "Oochiewalliewallie" for security reasons, and that security is for me, alright this is what it said........... Sk8er: man i want to spend a year in cuba Oochiewalliewallie: why so you can pimp and drink all you want Sk8er: no i pimp and drink enough in a day here for a year in cuba this was Sk8er's profile mind you. your not suppose to do that, you can't put your own punchline on your profile. it's pretty much saying "look at my attempt to be funny. i made a joke. i obviously think that it's funny. like me". has anyone proven yet that there is a difference between body wash and shampoo. whenever i run out of one, i just use the other in it's place and my body still stays in the prestine condition that it always has been in. they both foam up when you rub it against something and it's wet, i think that the suave company is just in some crazy scheme to make money. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
7:55 pm	girls, girls, girls I love Lauren, Meagan, and Stephanie (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
12:52 pm	livin la vida without the loco if mo's calculations are correct, and they rarely aren't, this is the 4th day in a row that ive worn the silver shorts with the oil slick on it. yea the oil came from when i was out in the swelteriing heat wearing an undershirt with the sleeves rolled up working on the '77 vette, not anything major, just a busted hose, and a malfunctioning carbirator. then i tinkered with the optimizer bulb for a couple hours then i refilled the automatic lock's fluid with a little something i whipped up consisting of my spit and some stamp residue. like i said just something to pass the time. in all reality though the oil came from the blower when i was touching up my lawnmowjob. it seems like you always find oil and grease in the most random spots. like on a bike chain, and inbetween the wheels of the computer cart at school. just places that you would bet a lot of money that wouldn't have oil, usually have oil. like i was messing with some headphones because only one ear worked, and i pulled out the left one and all of the sudden just like 4 pounds of grease poured out, like i sadi just really random places. whenver you get a blister, it isn't just one blister, it's an assortmant of blisters placed strategically all over your body by the united blister federation(fbu)((they're dyslexic)), all of the sudden you will be chopping green peppers, and notice a blister on your right index finger from all the intense choppoing. and by the time you notice it, it is way to late, i mean you might as well head up to the hills to hang out with all the other lepers for about 1 and a half weeks until they heel up, because later that day you will think you left your golf shoes in your brothers car so you take his, which isnt a big deal. then you go to get your golf bag and you see your shoes there too, so you throw your shoes in the car along with your brothers. sounds pretty ordinary right? so then you figure out that you don't need 2 pairs of golf shoes so you throw 2 out, but since they are both solid black you throw out your left one and your brothers left one, and then you might as well make the funeral arangements. your too far so you just say "what the hey" it won't be that big of a deal. then the outside of your left big toe develops a monster, then a random one shows up on the inside of your elbow. now you are just resorted to begging for mercy. but the fbu knows no mercy, back of the heel, bingo. under you chin, gotcha. hip, didn't stand a chance. now you resemble molasses back half with your blisters being her balderdash of systs. and then it starts, you drop out of school, start sleeping in your car-which isnt bad when you have a 77 vette-, your family disowns you, then finally you find yourself in a malyasians sweatshop making your friend's soccerballs. its a sad situation. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
11:04 pm	bag it tag it take it to the butcher in the store bag it tag it take it to the butcher in the store theres nothing i love more than denim on denim, except for those denims to be different colors. well actually waking up to the oboe might edge it out but im getting off topic, what little topic i have, i try to keep it. well i love it when someone wears a denim jacket with denim jeans, it is awesome, i go up to them and ask them if they have a copyrite on that, then they be like "stagga lee and we up in the zone, got the keys to the crib and nobody home". then we go find 2 water spikits and a tribal midget and do the hustle. im often caught wondering if samsonite sprinkles turbanado sugar on their lugage, because it is without flaws. i mean the guts those guys have, it amazes me. and the free advertisement in movies, one word, 4 syllables, incrEDIBLE. isnt that pointless for food stores to have that in their name, liek "incrEDIBLE deserts" and excetera. i wonder if thats how you spell excetera. to be frank, ive never seen it spelled out before, its kindof like a blue duck. well i was paid a visit by my good friend the other day, he has 3 leaves and goes by poison ivy-pause for laughter-the little twat got me on the side of the knee.but i got him back, i went and hunted down his kids and taped him up and showed him a live feed of me with his kids and i was holding some roundup over them, and threatening to make all systems a go if he didnt rub his own juice on hisself. now of course i couldnt talk to them so i got the best translator i could find, mo. they had a heated arguement and finally the cocaine wore off and i was talking to my fan. i knew cass was write when he said i should switch to pcp. but poison ivy is like the new lepersy, like if you have poison ivy you have to go live in a cave up on the hills, and some good samaritan will bring you food and water. and its like amazing when someone comes up and kisses you. like i was invited over to laurens and im sure they were all like "yea cory's coming over, he is the coolest ever, i would take a bullet for cory, if somebody was planning to assasanate him i would pay off everyone who is in on it to backfire and tar and feather whoever planned to assasinate cory" and so on, but then when they found out i had poison ivy they were all whispering "what asshole invited cory, didnt you hear he had poison ivy?" then when i went to go get a drink they all gunned it out of there. so now people are spying on me to see when the coolest cat in the neighborhoods poison ivy goes away, i see meagan out by the birdbath right now. chris is scheduled to take over the shift at 7:30 tommarow morning. theres a chart where you can sign up over at the school. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
1:51 pm	i paid the cost, to be the boss, ok? time to restore some order around here. i wear the pants in this online relationship! mmm, when's the last time girl, may 9th? word ^(word up). ive got to show you what you've been missing. me and you, we'll get out the one last piece of ice stuck in the bottom of the cup that just one come out. you get the top and ill make the heat. ill take off my shirt too. just for kicks. we'll if any of you girls are still conscious, your in luck, im preparing a feast for the brain, and your invited. it will have tears, it will have triumphs, it will have a balderdash of enticements alone. i, am back. i've been reading a lot of peoples journals and i realize they are all the same, i am here to add the mrs. dash, special blend of spices to your salad. they say, woke up, called vitali, went and chilled with him, went to work, had a fun night that i refuse to go into details about, came and wrote my journal, and now im off to bed. i mean comeon, wake me up when you decide to venture away from the treetrunk, go to the end of the branch and see what the leaves are so excited about. be a rebel and don't say lol if you didnt really laugh out loud. this live journal thing has become a rabid fox up in the hill that needs a courageous little ten your old with a bow and arrow set he got for christmas to go up and hunt for. the chances of him catching it are slim, but we need the infusement of energy! i was checking out someguys profile and like every other band starting high schooler, he placed "possible band names" and a list of oxymorons on his profile. are oxymorons in or something, because unlike peter in office space, i didn't get the memo. hot ice, futruistic yesterday, vertical horizon, small giant, ok we get it, you can take a noun and find its opposite adjective, chill out. its not that hard. i went to the warehouse of cd's also known as cd warehouse with my brother the other day, and because im not a cd phene like my brother i was just tagging along for the ride, and sure enough, every time, 2 13 year old girls walked in and headed straight for the new rap section. i took them into the back room and tied them down and took the j-kwon cd out of one of their hands and played it, they got excited when tipsy came on, doing whatever dances that were cool today. then after tipsy ended the other 15 songs came on, which sucked extremely bad. they got irratable then tipsy camme back on, they went wild, then the other 15, and this lasted a good 40 hours til finally they were fainting and having dizzy spells, it was either the lack of water or or the cd, adn although they clame it was the lack of food and water, i didn't see them taking the j kwon cd with them when they left. i considered my work done and grabbed the ying yang twins cd and aced that place. meg, linz, brock, and i went to go eat the other day, and i was getting excited for a nice, high-class lunch, on our way over there they were like "are you down for california pizza" and when i said "down like a clown charlie brown" they all looked at each other, didn't laugh stopped, opened the door, and i got out and met them there by foot-im going to throw in one of those live journal twists so be prepared- but in all actuality, we DIDNT go to california pizza because it wsa too crowded. oh my the reprecussions. light switches began to turn us off and on and cows began to milk us, the sun shone at night, and the moon glowed during the day. the insanity! that's just the unpredictability of life for you. its CrAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAzY. so it was off to the famed food court, and i was fuming, i had to settle for subway. then meg got a diamond watch to wear with her pearl necklace, long story short, meagan is dead. just the cycle of life. Current Mood: cynical (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 8th, 2004
9:52 pm	ive had a show turtle for 3 years and never put him in a show. im a freaking hypocrite. just got back from lowe's and the "buy something for the lawn/patio/porch" day the multimedia likes to call "mothers" day. every year its the same thing just a tiny bit different. wind chimes, patio table, a birdbath, flowers, patio chair. same song different words. zeus tried to comunicate with me today by putting a welt the shape of an isocoles triangle on my right thigh. im not sure but i think it means that i was put here to come up with a new fashion philosophy to rival plato's closet. ive been fighting an uphill battle with a cankersore in mouth for the day and i hate to admit it but im losing. when my teeth make contact with it, the cankersore becomes rejuvenated and sends a stun gun through my central nervous system. so i had enough and took an exacto knife and just got out a one inch radius circle around the cankersore. which would mean i have a 3.14*3.14 string of cheek missing. now that i have thrown up i will talk about butterscotch and the fact that it has no butter or scotch in it. which will leave an alchoholic with a craving for saturated fat out of luck. i appreciate the comments but i would appreciate them more if they had a name attached to them. maybe i could say something nice about you like my good friend rob who acts eons older than his age, and has a waste of oxygen for a brother. if you want to be extremely depressed read a national geographic. every page is like a peta service announcement telling us all how bad we suck at life. "with each opening of the refrigerator, tens of hundreds of coral are killed by the chloroflourocarbons released" thanks for the news. how am i suppose to make my oreos soggy now. mo has set a record for most time between breathes, ousting her old one of 34 seconds by 3. now let me go i have more stuff to steal. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 3rd, 2004
9:04 pm	ice is to nipple as cork is to wine my attention might be a little diverted tonight because a sparkstarter.com instant message popped up and a 22 year old buxom blonde named HottBabe22 wrote to me "hey im new" and "this looks like a cool site" and then asked "do you wanna chat". well with the gorgeous picture and the yellow smily face, how could i refuse. and i think its safe to say, it was fate, i mean the first 68 times i exed out of the pop-up before, it had to be this one, splendid!. "your so vain, i bet you think this song is about you, dont you! dont you!" that line will leave you swimming to the surface and gasping for air, only to know that that a submerged loch ness is about to pull you right back under. some guy is putting on lipstick and like "i bet this song is about me" then that line comes up and hes like "its not" then he takes a dull pencil and writes vanity fair. in my afterschool boredom i walked to handy's kitchen which is more of a restaruant but thats neither here nor there, and i was under the old dead willow tree, old willy as he likes me to call him, and all of the sudden two south american flamenco dancers jumped down like ninjas and danced around me in a circle. they opened their hand and blew grape flavored pixie stick dust into my eyese then ran saying "arriba, arriba". then the cute one turned and "oh what a night" filled the background and we gravitated towards each other. at that moment my dad came in and i had to quickly shut off kazaa before he saw it. i cleverly went to the espn.com homepage. if anyone knows the song where r.kelly is like "do, do, stop in the name of looooove, stop in the name of looove" it would be a real help. i told lindsay but she isnt on right now and its becoming a parasite and making me the host. dont get it confused with the diana ross one thats like "stop!(pause) in the name of love, before i break your heart" but the new one with r. kelly. ill give you a 15 dollar gift cirtificate to carmax if you can 'hook me up'. that last sentence was serious, it's killing me. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 24th, 2004
2:01 pm	jfk! blown away! what else do i have to say! when the queen city asks for an update, the queen city recieves. i got home 745ish the night after thursday, and the grass was giving me the finger so i decided to cut it. here in the WC the sun sets whenever the fuck it wants, but its usually flirting with 8. so i knew i had to book it. well darkness made a deal with the devil and went down early on that wretched night. me being the stubborn mule mo accuses me of being, i decide that i wont take it anymore, i was swimming in barbecue sauce with no wings. i mowed with a passion that night, one ill never forget. then i got woke up this morning by my dad abd he told me to go mow the spots i missed. i told my mower we'll always have april 23, then he told me to ride it on the second speed for more longevity. then he rode off into the sunset. if i was a pumpkin id probably become the george washington of pumpkins and lead the rest of the pumpkins to a revolution on halloween. then wed get placed on a coors light comercial and be like "sleep, tell me whats that for, noones used that since the second world war" and squash would become the new pumpkin. or vice versa. is vice versa latin, the most unimportant language ever. latin is about as obsolete as it gets. i change my mind when i said if i could have any talent it would be a master rhetoricist, its actually the ability to reveal only what i want you too see. i powdered my excess hair from my haircut into a sweet salt like spice. underrated-humming/overrated-drums. what was that slave movie, amistad, that had one really funny part in it when the slave ship owner was like "what would you like to eat" and the slave was like "bread" and then he brought him the bread. they had ovens on those ships didnt they. because that would be cinematic irony if they didnt. well mo's coloring on the walls again so ill leave you with this quote... "you must be trinity" -keanu reeves (1 Comment |Comment on this)